Elizabeth Gilbert wishes all of us would stop looking for purpose and start looking for freedom
As a woman who is frequently surrounded by the powerful New York elite, Elizabeth Gilbert noticed something. The men in this circle were silver foxes with buzz-cuts and a natural self-assuredness. The women had high-maintenance Posh Lady Hair with all the commitment and expense of regular salon appointments. It bothered her for years, until she finally decided to join the ranks of the nonchalant silver foxes and got her very own buzz-cut. (see pic above)
That's just one example of what a free thinking, inspirational character this 54-year-old TED speaker and author of some of my favourite books (like Eat, Pray Love and Big Magic) is. I went to see her speak last week at a soiree in Southhampton, along with many of Hampshire and Dorset's finest liberal ladies. (Turns out we all wear ankle boots and leather jackets with floaty dresses - who knew!)
I wish I'd taken my notebook as the pearls of wisdom flowed. My favourite moment was when she drew attention to how few relaxed women we see in our lives. It's such a good point. How many truly calm women do you know? And I don't mean the ones manically doing yoga and working on themselves (I hold my hand up to this identity!) I mean, who live at a relaxed pace, feel happy to be themselves and accept a situation as it is without trying to change it, or make others feel better.
Of course there's a place for being kind and proactive, but at what cost are we relentlessly putting others first? And how often do we see the relaxation drain from a woman as she shoulders all the pressure? It's one reason why Elizabeth Gilbert wishes all of us would stop looking for purpose and start looking for freedom.
As I frequently help my clients find more purpose, this got me thinking. I love seeing a client's eyes light up when they figure out what they're all about. But I also see the flip side of the self-discovery path. We can become so consumed by our goals and our quest for service that it can feel quite draining - and terrifying!
In my own life, I've started to find the concept of freedom increasingly appealing - Freedom to run my own schedule. Freedom to break some societal conventions. Freedom to make a career swerve. Freedom to dance without caring what I look like. Freedom to travel. Freedom to work only a few hours a week. Freedom to get away from tech. For me, these are the new signs of "success".
What do you think? Are there some areas of life where you believe you are expanding into a new, more flowing, less restrictive template?
It's why my new Freelance Freedom coaching programme is so fun to run - I love seeing these super smart marketing and comms professionals gradually design new lives for themselves that include more liberty and relaxation. To dare to do things a bit outlandish (like - shock, horror - promote their services on social media!), without getting too hung up about the judgement of others. And then benefit from the results of being approached by the right new prospects.
Yes, there's pressure and challenge in working for yourself, but, done with passion, dedication and strategy, it can create the option for a life where you free up your time to do whatever you like.
In the world of employment too, I believe freedom is going to become more of an enticement (and necessity) for how businesses support their people, whether that comes in the form of more flexible hybrid models, reduced hours, compelling maternity and paternity packages or global travel opportunities - all have freedom at their core.
One thing is for sure - freedom is the new Queen, and she won't be ignored...